Why he joined the Legion

What changed Bert Peep - ordinary, telly-watching, beer-swigging British working bloke -into Beau Peep, legionnaire extraordinary, loved and admired by thousands? In one doom-laden word - DORIS

These are the facts: Doris fancied Bert. But our hero, no mug, was careful not to get himself compromised. Then came the fateful night at the local palais when ale-induced gallantry and misted-up specs drove Bert into Doris's beefy arms*for the last waltz. For Doris that was as good as a proposal. When he sobered up Bert saw with icy clarity that there was only one thing a man of honour could do. A bunk. But Doris was not to be so easily discouraged, and her relentless determination to land her catch drove Bert ever further from home. At last came the night in a seamy dockside bar when a friendly Frenchman bought him a drink, then another and another.. . Bert foggily recalls that somewhere along the line he signed something. Anyway, he came round on a ship bound for North Africa with an apocalyptic hangover and a new identity - Beau Peep of the Foreign Legion.

That was a long time ago, but sun and sand, time and Tauregs have not dimmed the memory of what lies behind him, and whenever Sergeant Bidet or Mad Pierre or dumb Dennis (who probably meant to join the British Legion) get too much for him, Bert thinks of Doris, shudders and counts his blessings.

Andrew Christine, artist, and Roger Kettle, writer, the Scottish chroniclers of the Beau Peep epic (pictured below), believe that in his story there is a message. All they ask is that, if you discover it, you don't tell Doris.